Catarina's story ...

Motherhood has the power to create remarkable change and growth. Here is Catarina's story <3

A Piece of Me Lies at the Bottom of Loweswater ...

23rd July 2016 


After a sleepless night, watching my baby and my partner sleep soundly, the sun rises in the Lake District.  I leave Rafael asleep after a feed and tell Miles I am going down to the Lake. He is understandably worried. I haven’t slept in a couple of days, disturbed not by the baby but by a palpable sense of despair. I drove to Loweswater from our BnB, a short eight-minute drive, got out of the car with a towel and no shoes, took all my clothes off and walked into the water. I remember the cold golden sunrise, the stillness, the painful rocks on my feet as I walked into the lake, taking a deep breath as the piercing water surrounded my waist, breasts and shoulders and finally I felt release as I let go of the lake’s floor and started floating. All the negative thoughts were gone, I had decided they needed to leave me, all the anger and pain, needed to depart me. They sank to the bottom and together with them sank the illusion of a perfect me, as a woman and as a mother. All unforgiving threads in my nature sank. My painful memories of childhood needed a resting place too, so I watched them sink, slowly. As I drive back, I know my healing has started. 


Catarina and Raf

A few more Hygge Monochrome too, tomorrow evening (4th December) at 5.00pm GMT ...


- Ali x